Enough Already!

I am tired of hearing about the g-d election already. I am also tired of hearing about the polls and how Obama's blowing out McCain with a five point lead. Isn't there a margin of difference of five points? Here's what I think: the media wanted Obama to win the Democratic nomination so they flooded the airwaves with Obama crap; now they want him to win the election, so they're doing the same. If the media says he's going to win, he's going to win (at least that's the strategy). I guess we'll see what happens in a couple of weeks.

Another thing I'm tired of hearing about is the stock market. I think by this point we know how bad the economy is. I don't need to hear about some guy in Ireland's theory on economic philosophy to understand that the entire world is totally f'd right now. I get it. Someone please fix it, now. There is also something else I'm learning from all of this: regardless of how bad the economy gets, nothing beats cash (unless of course it really goes south and then nothing beats weaponry). Seriously, if you have cash on hand you can buy what you need. It's tangible. It's not floating around in cyberspace to be lost on some weird futures market that sounds like a mix between gambling and fortune telling. If you need a corn dog you can buy it with cash. Just because some a-hole in Jakarta just tanked his online and offshore brokerage house that was somehow connected to your pension plan can in no way effect the cash you already have in your pocket, and you can still go buy your damn corn dog. Now obviously if you put your cash in a jar instead of in the stock market it's not going to increase in value. But you'll still have it as long as you don't touch it. This whole thing is stupid. Everyone is trying to blame everyone and no one's really getting blamed because it's everyone's fault. Yes, it's all of our faults. The entire world bought into the idea of credit for everyone regardless of whether or not you're worth it. In fact we think we deserve credit. Well credit where credit is due, I say (and other smart people too). (I should note here that I for one am glad I bought my car before this crap storm started.)

Ok... enough for this evening. My idea is this: kill NAFTA bring the jobs back to America so that Americans can afford to buy American cars again; F*^K free trade, tariff the crap out of foreign cars- nothing else, just cars; drill for oil here, but please invent a car that doesn't use gas; stop these BS wars, if you're going to kill people, kill everyone in the country so there are NO insurgents; shut down the border, we have too many bad Mexican restaurants already; make reality television stop; legalize marijuana and tax the crap out of it; and prostitution; and gambling; and televangelists; recognize gay marriage because divorce attorneys don't make enough money as it is; give us some form of free basic health care; shut up about abortion, whichever side you're on- if you're for it, great, abort away- if you're against it, I'll let you meet some people that live under a bridge, you'll change your mind; eugenics is not a bad thing, it's just gotten a bad wrap and with the newfound genetic sciences we could quite possibly become a better species; do away with the IRS and institute a nationwide VAT.... I've got more, but I'm tired.

Married

It's now been eight days since I got married. And I am pretty much as happy as anyone could possibly hope to be in this condition. You might say that I didn't exactly take to marriage the first time around. But that could be due to a less than ideal relationship. I've come to realize that it is not a personality flaw. I seriously questioned this at one point. I thought maybe that I was eternally flawed an incapable of actually loving anyone. Turns out I hadn't met the right person.

And now, here we are. I can honestly say that I have met someone who has left absolutely nothing to want. I can also say that considering the fact that we are awaiting the raspberry, it feels a lot better being married and expecting, then just expecting. There is something very comforting in the legality of ones relationship with the participating parent. Didn't have that the first time I became a father either.

So, aside from the sheer joy I'm feeling at the moment, there's a lot of comfort in the feeling that this time, things are being done properly (although maybe not in a typical chronological order) and that things feel like they're supposed to feel, whatever that means. And I'm not concerned with social norms and expectations so much as I am with the way things feel to me and Mrs. Williams. And they feel right. Often they border on feeling perfect, but this is when things get overwhelming and so good that it's scary. And that's when I start feeling nervous. This happens a lot.

It's after 10pm on a Monday night. That means I should be asleep, in bed, with my wife.

Who I'm Not Voting For

I have a completely different post in mind which is more personal. However, with the upcoming Presidential election and the depressing realization that I can stand behind neither big party candidate, I'd like to take a moment to talk about someone else I'm not voting for. That person is Chuck Baldwin. Now, I have no idea who ol' Chuck is. But I do know his running mate, Darrel Castle. In fact I've had the guy over to my house for dinner. And based on my knowledge of Mr. Castle, I can definitely say that I will not be voting for his ticket. Not even if all the Republicans and Democrats folded and we were left with the Constitutionalists (Castle's paty) and the Communists. Like many people out there in the RW who only know the basics about the two major parties, you're probably wondering what the hell a Constitutionalist is. Well, from what I can gather, a Constitutionalist is a lot like a Libertarian. But Libertarian sounds too much like liberal, and that's just not acceptable for people even further to the right than Republicans. I think that as the name implies, Castle's party has some affinity for the sanctity of the Constitution. I know this because he told me at a cocktail lounge in KC after we'd imbibed one too many martinis. Like any American, I too like the Constitution. And like many, I feel attached to some of the inalienable rights. Maybe not all of them, but some are pretty cool. I especially like the Freedom of Speech part. Now, like any legal document, the Constitution is to be interpreted as changing societal issues and mores require. I mean we're not living in the 18th century (when it was written dumb-asses) any longer, so a document written for 18th-century revolutionaries may not apply to 21st-century fat soccer moms. (The Jews have this same problem with the Torah which is why there are Rabbis.) And just like there are different sorts of Jews (Conservative, Orthodox, Hasidic), there are different types of Americans. One sort is Constitutionalists like Mr. Castle.

Apparently his view of the Constitution says that we all have the right to have man-servants and live in a large house paid for by the misfortune of really dumb, misled poor people. It is true that he is a successful business man (and lawyer). In fact I had the (mis)fortune of working for his firm here in KC. One thing I learned is that bankruptcy law is there for not only to aid people in their dire financial circumstances and to help them get out from the burden of debt, it's also there to make lawyers a lot of money. I also learned that it's not about actually helping people, but it's about making money off of their misery. It's about signing people up who have no right or reason to actually file bankruptcy, but since they are there, you might as well take their money and agree with them that they do indeed need to file bankruptcy. And once they have filed they will then become one of about 3000 active bankruptcy customers who are actively represented by 2-3 attorneys depending on the day and whether or not someone has either quit or been fired. This is what you call quality legal representation. And this is how Constitutionalists and Christians apparently practice bankruptcy law. And it is your Constitutional right to get less than adequate legal representation and be treated like a customer at Wal-Mart. But most people expect to get treated that way in today's America, especially poor black people, which is who the bulk of the advertising paid for by Mr. Castle targets. It's really actually pretty smart, business-wise. I mean seriously, poor black people are really only looking for another way to postpone losing everything and have absolutely no faith in the legal system anyways, so they're an easy target for predatory advertising and no real professional commitment. In choosing to represent them, you know they're not going to carry through with their case and follow instructions, because they're dumb, which is why they're poor. So, you get easy money up front which is non-refundable and don't actually have to do much in the way of actual legal work. It's genius. It's the American way. It's the Constitutionalist way. It's the Castle way.

So, join Mr. Castle in his fight for your Constitutional rights (as he interprets them) and you too can take advantage of poor black (and white, he's not racist) people while earning enough money to have servants and still have time in your busy day to go to church and run an orphanage in Romania.

As I said, I'm not supporting anyone this time. I know it's not a popular thing to say with all of the Obama supporters around me. But seriously, it's my Constitutional right to not like the man, I think Mr. Castle would agree with me on that point.

For the love of Pink

Quickly, and for the record, the raspberry is a girl! I'm so excited... we're so excited!! I'm a little nervous too. It's been over 15 years since I became a dad for the first time, and that was a completely different scenario. I didn't really get to experience the joys and frustrations of fatherhood as I could have. So, I know that there's going to be a lot of learning going on in all of this. Fortunately, I have a very high opinion of myself and feel very confident that I will perform at a high level in various skills such as diaper changing and pacifying. I am sure that I will also learn the value of mowing the lawn and spending time in the garage. My monk-like patience will come in handy in this new life as will my ability to selectively hear various sounds emitting from various feminine orificies. Yes, I am quite certain that I will be wonderful at this dad thing. Just as I am quite certain that I will love my daughter as she should be loved and that if I love her even half as much, although in an obviously different way, as I love her mother, she will be loved more than most people will ever have the fortune to experience. It's true, I am quite lucky, and if the above is not reason enough, I also have a new young man in my life who has made me feel like a father again even before I am biologically a repeating offender. I know, I should play the Powerball. I have been, but I haven't won. If I do, I promise that I will not spoil any of the children I am responsible for too badly. But I will buy myself a really sick car. Peace.

19

I realize it's been two weeks since my last post. I wish I could say it's been because I've been on vacation. But I can't say that. No, I've just been incredibly busy, surprisingly, and fighting a 12-year-old for the use of the laptop. Jackson's discovered the beauty of IM'ing. And apparently all of the little lasses in Natoma are into the IM thing. So, he's got like six GF's now. Oh to be young again...

We are patiently awaiting the 19th. And it seems as if at the moment the number 19 has some significance. Only because it as on the 19th of May that we found out we were expecting. And now on September 19th we find out the sex of the baby. Exciting, no? Yes. Very.

Last weekend we were supposed to be in Arkansas for a soccer tournament. Due to Hurricane Ike, the tournament was cancelled. I thought that the sun was never going to come out again after last week. But, yesterday it did. And the past two days have been pretty much perfect. This weekend we have a soccer tournament in Olathe and Allie's parents are coming for a visit. No signs of Hurricanes thank god.

So, I wonder what else the number 19 will bring us... In case you were wondering, it was on the 19th of August in which I appeared in court to finalize my divorce, and thus also on the 19th I will be officially divorced.

On a different note, F#$K the Cheese Factory and F$%K Onions and Shrek and those f#$ing A#$hole "christians" from Tennessee who have no problem running an unethical business that takes advantage of the misfortune of the lowest denominator. And while I'm at it, F$#K my brother-in-law who still hasn't had the decency or the GD cajones to talk to me like a man. And I'm not even mad. I'm happier right now than I've ever been in my life. But I hope they all get butt raped by Shaq (except for Onions and Mrs. Cheese 'cause I bet they'd like it, I hope they get eternal poison ivy in their hoo-has and go insane from the itching).

I am boycotting the elections by the way. I can't vote for Obama and I think if I vote for McCain I might as well start shopping at Wal-Mart and get rid of all my morals (as weird and nonsensical as they may be.)

Alright, peace out. And I promise I'm not mad, I just hate those freaking A#$HOLES.

Labour Day

Howdy. Well, after a long weekend in Natoma, it's safe to say that I am hooked on that small town. You cannot ask for anything more American than the weekend I just witnessed. It's funny to think that I'd be thinking about what the perfect environment to raise a child in. But I have been, and I can't think of a better place to do so than in Natoma. I'm not saying it's perfect. Nothing is. But after experiencing the Labor Day festivities, and seeing the epitome of what a community truly is, I am sure that one could not ask for much more (if less actually means more). There's nothing fancy about it and nothing contrived. It's basic, old-school, simple, and straight forward. What you see is what you get. And I saw a lot of food and a lot of families and a lot of effort put forth by a lot of committed people to make sure that families had a lot of fun and as much food as they could eat.

On a different note, we got a Republican running-mate who may or may not be the best choice. And as much as I hate the Republicans, they know how to spin a tale and make things appear as they are not. (See Iraq). And I suspect that they will do a number with this VP pick. Then there is Gustav, the Hurricane that wasn't. My friend Mike passed along a funny thought about it: And it was if the Earth was a restroom, and New Orleans was a particularly nasty bowel movement before Katrina, he tried to flush it down the drain. And even though he got most of it, there was still some lingering crap in the toilet. So, he flushed again. We'll see how many more times he has to flush before he gest rid of all of the waste. Of course overshadowed by Gustav is what could be an even worse situation in India as monsoon season has hit over there. Obviously the reason it's overshadowed is because India is a giant toilet and one that is apparently broken because God's been trying for years to flush that S#!T.

One good thing about this whole Sarah Palin mess is that it's taken the spotlight off Obama-nation (which was my idea that someone else also came up with and published a book by that title- let me tell you about how p'd off I was about that!). Regardless, it's nice not hear about that butthole for a couple of days. Not that I was really paying attention, since I don't have television and haven't been paying too close of attention to the news lately.

Just as a reminder, college football has started. My pick for the national title game: Ohio State vs. Oklahoma. It's going to be dubbed the O-game, and everyone's going be giving us their O-face. It's going to be awesome. Everyone's picking a rematch between the SEC champion and someone else. But I'm saying that this year the SEC teams beat each other up too much to put anyone in the title game. Now I know USC is another popular pick, but the problem is that they play OSU in a couple weeks and I think that OSU's going to come and show people on a national stage that they're tired of people dogging on them and prove once and for all that despite all that Blue Chip talent out there in LA, there's something to say about heart. And we all know that California may have beautiful people and rich people and all sorts of race problems and over-priced housing and a severe immigration problem and is run by a former steroid monster. But what it doesn't have is heart. And despite the fact that I hate Ohio and that OSU is my least favorite Big Ten school, I'm a Big Ten fan at heart, and am dying for someone from the Big Ten to step up and make the media suck a big fat midwestern D#$K.

In summary: Natoma rocks; Obama still sucks; God hates the hard to flush crap in the toiletbowl that is New Orleans; God hates Indians even more; and Ohio State will finally win a national title game. And by the way, this time next year I will likely be driving a full-size truck and own a real cowboy hat at least one pair of Wranglers. That is my future.

Yes, they bounce...

In the ongoing saga of the Sikh neighbors, as I've mentioned, they have acquired a trampoline. Until several days ago, we never saw it being used. I chalked this up to fear of bouncing. But, much to my and Jackson's pleasure, we now have Sikhs on trampolines right here in the neighborhood. I know that at first it may not sound like anything special. But if you could see the little Sikh kid in his head-wrap bouncing on the trampoline, you too would be entertained. I think it would be less entertaining if he had his hair down, because then he would look like an extremely hairy and hideous little girl bouncing on a trampoline. But with his hair all wrapped up and covered up in the towel-looking thing, he resembles a Q-tip. And if he is a Q-tip, he is timid one because he doesn't do any tricks. Not one flip. He just bounces straight up and down, vertically. The real excitement comes when his older brother or cousin or whatever the older kid is to him starts wrestling with him. The Q-tip is in 6th grade, the older kid is maybe in 8th grade but outweighs the younger by about 100 lbs. It's hilarious. He crushes the Q-tip and smothers the Q-tip and all you hear is high pitched gibberish muffled by the weight of the larger boy. Jackson and I run outside to watch whenever we hear the muffled cries for what I can only imagine is help.

If that's not good enough, the Sikh matron hates squirrels. I think that I may share this hatred with her, but she's serious about it, which is better for me at the moment. Because as much as I may hate squirrels, I am not going to chase them into a tree, climb the tree, and then try to beat them out of the tree with a large stick. I am also not stupid enough to think that I could catch a squirrel on foot. But she is, the Sikh matron. The other day she chased a squirrel into the adjoining yard yelling curses at it in whatever language it is that they speak (which sounds like the language that all Indians speak). When she realized that she couldn't catch the squirrel, she started throwing empty milk jugs at it. The plastic kind not the glass ones. I am not sure the result she was expecting by throwing an empty plastic milk jug. No harm would come to the squirrel. I think she should probably invest in a bow and arrow. But for now I am content to watch her run around the yard in her turquoise Sikh outfit yelling at squirrels and throwing milk jugs at them. I will also continue to wait patiently in the backyard feigning to play catch with Jackson in the hopes that I will witness her falling out of the tree in a vain attempt to catch a squirrel. I hope that this squirrel thing is actually due to hatred of the species and not out of hunger. Right now I'm not putting anything past these people. And hopefully, for the Sikh lady's sake, she will fall out of the tree and onto trampoline, bouncing and cursing in gibberish, because seriously Sikhs do bounce, but they are not all that skilled at it.