All about the raspberry

I have decided to dedicate myself to the cause of the raspberry.

Being that today is (Tuesday, Mangal-waar, Seshanbeh, yawm-ath-thalatha, Fidal, dydd Mawrth, Pungenday), it's got to be better than yesterday. So far it's definitely more bizarre. That being said, apparently Tiger Woods is back playing golf. I was hoping he'd retire. While listening to NPR this morning they were talking about the cost of gas limiting people's ability to vacation properly. I was going to comment on the cost of gas and how simply ridiculous it is that the oil companies are literally feeding off the misery of the world right now. Then I started thinking about how little time off Americans actually have to use for vacation and that we, as a culture, don't know how to vacation properly anyway. So what difference does it make? I am getting excited about taking one GD day off. That's stupid. The French work 35-hour work weeks and take an entire month off each year. Yeah, they pay $8/gallon for gas and they don't bathe properly and they're French, but JC I'd love to have a month off.

In 1462 Vlad III the Imapler, aka, Dracula, attempted to assassinate the Turk ruler Mehmed II. Despite the fact that Vlad was a nasty dude and impaled up to 30,000 people at a time, he was a member of the Order of the Dragon which was responsible for protecting E. Europe from Muslim expansion and should be viewed as a hero. In 1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed Novis Albion (Californina) for England. In 1876 the Indians beat the US Cavalry in a battle near Rosebud Creek, MT. In 1885 the Statue of Liberty arrived in New York Harbor, a gift from the French. In 1933 4 FBI agents and fugitive Frank Nash were gunned down at Union Station in Kansas City by a bunch of gangsters. That's pretty cool. In 1939 the last public guillotining in France took place. In 1948 a United Airlines plane crashed in PA and killed 43. In 1963 the US Supreme Court ruled 8-1 against allowing the recitation of Bible verses and the Lord's prayer in public schools. Thank, god. And in 1994 OJ was arrested and charged with double homicide. We know how that turned out.

Today is Iceland's National Day. Iceland has about 316,000 residents all of whom are related. The people of Iceland are very strange and if you don't believe me I give you Bjork. 82% of them are Lutherans. The capital is Reykjavik. Icelanders eat things like singed sheep heads and Hakarl which is rotten shark meat. FTS. That's disgusting. Jimminy Cricket, would someone please tell me why you would eat rotten shark meat?

It's also St. Albert Chmielowski Day which rhymes with the Big Lebowski but is not related in any way. Albert was a Polish guy who was very charitable and founded the Gray Brothers, not to be confused with the Gay Brothers. Although, you know what happens in the monasteries....

Happy Birthday: King Edward I of England; King Charles XII of Sweden; Igor Stravinsky; MC Escher, who's way better than MC Hammer; Newt Gingrich; Barry Manilow; George Clinton, funky dude; Joe Piscopo; Jello Biafra; Greg Kinnear; Chloe Jones, who died of liver failure due to an addiciton to Vicodin and Wild Turkey; and Venus Williams (no relation).

Have a good one....and it is all about the dragons...

FTS

Yes, fine, it's (Monday, Soom-waar, Doshanbeh, yawm-al-ithnayn, Kamal, Boomtime, dyds Llwn), and if think that's something to be pleased about, you can go to Hell. It's way too busy here for anything to get properly done. And, yes, it's still flooding in Iowa. Those poor souls. At least they don't live in Illinois. That's all I can say.

This is going to be short and to the point... in 1755 the British captured the French Fort Beausejour in New Brunswick, Canada which led to the expulsion of the Acadians. They made their way down to Louisiana where they assumed the name Cajuns. In 1858 Abe Lincoln gave his "House Divided" speech in Springfield, IL. In 1883 183 children died in the Victoria Hall theater panic. Must have been a scary play. In 1903 the Ford Motor Co. was incorporated. The following year, James Joyce hooked up with Nora Barnacle. It was on this date that every event took place in Dublin in his book "Ulysses" which I've never read. This is now celebrated in Dublin as Bloomsday. I hate Dublin. The city smells, it's expensive, and there's really not that much to see or do. In 1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan Peron. And in 1997 another massacre took place in Dairat, Algeria, where 50 people were killed.

Happy Birthday: Geronimo; King Gustaf V of Sweden; Joyce Carol Oates; and rapist, Tupac Shakur, a real hero and cultural icon.

Enjoy the day. I will be working way too hard. Well, after I'm finished writing this, obviously.

All About Montana

Oh, thank Heaven it's (Friday, Chukar-waar, Jom'eh, yawm-al-jum'a, Istiqlal, Prickle-Prickle, dydd Gwener). This has been a long week. And it's been pretty bad weatherwise. Apparently a tornado touched down in Chapman, KS last night and much of Manhattan, KS was damaged. But KC got off lightly. In Spain they're having ongoing protests over gas prices and they're getting pretty heated. Allie observed last night that it's strange that Europeans still engage in such protests seeing as how they're so laid back. Something like that would rarely happen here. The Constitution guarantees us the right to assemble (which is essential if you're going to have a protest). In order to do so, you must have a permit though or the cops have the right to beat your ass. Another problem with this protest idea is that aside from the fear of police brutality, there is the fear that you will lose your job, either for missing work in order to protest or for getting arrested which won't look good for your employer. The fear of repercussion from the authorities does not apply to students at Michigan State University, however, as they seem to riot at least once a year, usually for no good reason.

In 1525 Martin Luther (a priest) married Katharina von Bora (a nun) violating Catholic celibacy rules. After they wed, Katharina spent her time breeding cattle and running a brewery. What a woman! One hundred years later King Charles I of England married the French princess Henrietta Maria, who in turn gave birth to two kings. In 1774 Rhode Island became the first colony to ban the import of slaves. In 1805 Meriweather Lewis sighted the Great Falls of the Missouri River in Montana. In 1886 a fire destroyed much of Vancouver. That same day King Ludwig II of Bavaria, a.k.a., the Swan King, was found dead in a lake. No one is sure how he died. King Ludwig was eccentric and built elaborate castles, including Neuschwanstein Castle which was the model for the castle at Disneyland. In 1934 Hitler and Mussolini met in Venice. Mussolini described Hitler as a "silly little monkey". In 1966 the US Supreme Court ruled that people have the right to remain silent and the right to hire an attorney in Miranda v. Arizona. This angered the cops who up to that point did not have to read or memorize anything. In 1970 "The Long and Winding Road" became the Beatles last number one song. In 1996 the Montana Freemen surrendered after an 81-day standoff with the FBI. These guys were part of a movement called the Sovereign Citizen Movement which has some pretty interesting viewpoints on the role of government in the lives of American citizens. The government does not like these views and you should probably not have them. In 1997 a jury sentenced Timothy McVeigh to death. Mr. McVeigh was loosely affiliated with groups which held similar views to the Freemen. And in 2005 a jury acquitted Michael Jackson of molesting a 13-year-old.

In ancient Rome they were into the 7th day of the Vestalia. And it was also the Quinquatrus Minusculae, a procession to the Temple of Minerva. Damn those Romans knew how to party.

Speaking of Romans, today is the Ides of June and Friday the 13th. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm not really superstitious, but I am a little weary of Friday the 13th. But I'm going to try to stay positive.

Happy Birthday: Charles "The Bald", Holy Roman Emperor and King of the West Franks; Irish poet, William Butler Yeats; feminist mystery author, Dorothy Sayers; Malcolm McDowell, who starred in two of my favorite movies, "Clockwork Orange" and "Caligula"; Tim Allen, who went to Western Michigan University; and the Olsen Twins who are just begging to be publicly humiliated.

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend. And please, someone get me a donut or a beer.

An Observation

Ok, so here we are with another evening post. These may become less rare as I'm finding myself awake with nothing to do since there is no cable available which is fine because there's nothing on anyway. And in case you were wondering, it is in fact storming. While Allie and I were eating Thai food, the air raid sirens started blaring and panic ensued. No tornado, though.

Anyway, while sitting out back being all moody, I was watching the Sikh kids play basketball. I've never seen this before. It was really strange. And as they were playing their parents came out and started yelling at them. I couldn't really hear what they were saying. But I imagine that it was something along the lines of: "Hey, dummies stop playing that stupid game with the bouncy ball and hoop. What do you think you're going to become a pro bouncy ball player? Have you ever seen a pro bouncy ball player before? No, you haven't. That's because Sikhs do not play the bouncy ball game professionally. Now get in the house and practice your inventory taking skills. Who's going to run the liquor store when I die?" This may sound offensive, but it's not untrue. I have never seen a Sikh play basketball, let alone pro basketball. The Sikh National team doesn't exist because they don't have their own country. Sikhs are from India and to be honest, I've never seen Indians play basketball either. They may. I've just never seen it. One problem with the hoop dream of the little Sikh boy is the hair issue. One thing that you have to understand is that success in any arena is partially based on marketing. It'd be hard to find a market for yourself with all that hair. If you didn't know, Sikhs are really hairy. And one thing that Americans hate is unruly hair. If you don't believe me, look at an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog or a Playboy. Americans like hair that is well-groomed. It should be perfect even if it's messy. If it's messy, it should look like that's what you intended. You can have long hair, but it should be wavy and perfect, like Jesus's. You can have facial hair, but it should be well trimmed, like Jesus's. If you're a woman, you can have no hair anywhere except your head and your eyebrows. Period. (There are some minor exceptions to this rule.) Body hair for men is also frowned upon, but this is even more uncomfortable to talk about. And as I watch that little Sikh kid play basketball with that unruly hair with its weird ball on top, I can't help but think that his hair would be a major distraction to most NBA fans. So, Sikh kid, please listen to your parents, please. America may think that it's ready for a black president, but we're not ready for Air Sikh. I know that your people have been persecuted by Muslims and Hindus and that you don't have a homeland and all that horrible stuff, but there's plenty of things to do in this world besides play basketball. Thank you. And God bless us one and all. Even you little Sikh boy. Just put that damn ball away and be thankful God didn't kill us with one of his tornadoes tonight. I know I will sleep much better now that I have gotten this off my chest. Good night.

Mehefin

That's Welsh for June. And we are in the midst of it on this fine (Thursday, Veer-waar, Panjshanbeh, yawm-al-khamis, Istijlal, Pungenday, dydd Iau). Once again, it has stormed. And I believe there's a chance for more rain yet. In related news, apparently God hates Boy Scouts because he killed four of them last night in Iowa with a cunning use of a tornado. Nothing sneaky about that. And now the whole Midwest is saturated and there's flooding in Indiana. I'm not really upset by that because Indiana sucks. Some people may know that I did at one time live in Indiana- Frankfort to be exact. It was at James Whitcomb Riley Elementary where my formal education began. Frankfort has about 16.5K residents. I don't remember much about living there other than we lived in a huge Victorian house with a screened in porch and had to drive an hour to go to church every Sunday. My little sister was born in Lafayette, Indiana, and I am a Purdue fan. This does nothing for my opinion of the state as a whole however.

In 1381 a Peasants' Revolt broke out in England. In 1418 the Burgundians captured Paris. In 1889 88 people died in the Armagh rail disaster in Northern Ireland. Ten years later a tornado hit New Richmond, WI and killed 117 people. In 1903 a bunch of band dorks founded the Sigma Alpha Iota fraternity for musicians because they were tired of getting picked on by the cool kids and wanted a club of their own. In 1943 the Nazis liquidated the Jewish ghetto of Berezhany, Ukraine. In 1964 Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life in prison. Three years later the US Supreme Court ruled in Loving v. Virginia that laws prohibiting interracial marriages were unconstitutional. In 1978 David Berkowitz, the "Son of Sam", was sentenced to 365 years in prison. And in 1994 Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were murdered leading to that famous car chase involving a white Bronco.

In ancient Rome they were into the 6th day of the Vestalia. In the Philippines and Russia it's Independence Day. In Brazil it's Dia dos Namorados (Lover's Day). And in Wales it's Dydd y Dywysoges Gwenllian, or Princess Gwenllian's Day.

Happy Birthday: Austrian painter, Egon Schiele; President George H.W. Bush; Anne Frank; Jim "golly gee" Nabors; Marv Albert; and Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker, Larry Foote, who played at Michigan in college.

Have a good one.

Day of Cake

Today is (Hump Day, Wednesday, Bhud-waar, Chaharshanbeh, yawm-al-arba'a, Idal, Boomtime) and I had the best cake ever. I don't know what kind it was, some sort of strawberry cake with lemon icing. It was moist and sweet, but not too sweet. After I ate the cake, I felt euphoric. I think that the cake should be called "sex" because it's that good.

Have I told you how busy work is right now? It's almost 2pm and I'm just now getting to this thing. That really gets me hot under the collar. I am used to being able to ease into my days at the Cheese Factory. Instead, I've been hitting the ground running and it's driving me insane. I didn't take this job to actually have to work. I'm not getting paid enough to work, for Christ's sake. Anyway...if you weren't tired of hearing about Barack, just wait, it's going to get worse.

In 1184 BCE Troy was sacked and burned by the Greeks. There was a movie about this recently I believe. In 1509 Henry VIII married Catherine of Aragon. In 1788 Russian explorer Gerasim Izmailov discovered Alaska, he found it to be cold and overrun with polar bears. In 1805 a fire burned most of Detroit. In memory of this event, I call for a re-enactment. In 1837 a the Broad Street Riots broke out between English and Irish-Americans in Boston. In 1892 the Limelight Department, one of the oldest film studios was founded in Melbourne, Australia. In 1919 Sir Barton became the first horse to win the Triple Crown. Horse racing is stupid. It is slightly less stupid than car racing, however. In 1935 Edwin Armstrong demonstrated the first broadcast on FM from Alpine, NJ. In 1955 83 were killed when two cars crashed in the Le Mans race. In 1962 three guys escaped from Alcatraz, one of them was portrayed by Clint Eastwood in a movie. In 1964 Walter Siefert went crazy and killed 8 kids and 2 teachers at an elementary school in Cologne, Germany using a flamethrower. That's some serious killing, right there. Nothing like a good bratwurst. In 1970 Anna Mae Hayes and Elizabeth Hoisington became the first female US Army Generals. And in 2001 Timothy McVeigh was executed.

In Hawai'i today is Kamehameha Day.

In Ancient Rome today was the Matralia in honor of Mater Matuta, goddess of dawn and sea ports. The festival was purely for single women and women in the first marriages and they offered prayers for the nieces and nephews and released a slave from Temple in the Forum Boarium (pictured).

It was also the fifth day of the Vestalia.

Happy Birthday: Ben Johnson, the dramatist; Jacques Cousteau; Gene Wilder, funny guy; and Joe Montana.

Have a good one, and please do try the sex cake...

Putting the Cart Before the Horse

Sweetmorn, Confusion 15, 3174

You got it, it's (Tuesday, Mangal-waar, Seshanbeh, yawm-ath-thalatha, Fidal). I can't print anything from my computer, so I've decided that I'm going to do as little work today as humanly possible. I'd like to tell you that something exciting is going on, and I guess it is. One thing I can say is that it's been an incredibly eventful year. And for the most part, a positive one. Aside from all the death and destruction that's gone on in Asia and the severe weather that's wreaking havoc in the Midwest, and Israel and Iran now exchanging some pretty threatening dialogue, well, you know... I guess my life's going ok. Barack and his wife have now totally freaked out older white people with their hand bump thing. That was a little too much for some people to handle. At least it wasn't a chest bump, though. If they'd done that, there'd be no reason to even have an election.

In 1190 Holy Roman Emperor Frederick Barbarossa drowned in the Sally River on his way to attack Jerusalem. Not a very fitting way for an emperor to die. In 1692 Bridget Bishop was hanged for "certaine Detestable Acts called Witchcraft and Sorcery". Was running around the woods naked really all that bad? I guess it was. In 1786 100,000 people died in the Sichuan Province of China in the aftermath of an earthquake. Even back then God hated the Chinese. In 1805 the First Barbary War ended between the US and the Barbary States. Here's a war we don't hear much about. Basically this war was fought over Mediterranean trade and the safety of US ships from pirates. Apparently the Barbary States supported piracy. This war ended in a quasi-victory for the US. In 1886 Mt. Tarawera erupted in New Zealand killing 153 people and twice as many sheep. In 1935 Dr. Robert Smith and Bill Wilson founded Alcoholics Anonymous. Soon after they began to be really annoying and preachy. No one liked them, but their methods and talk of a Higher Power have proven pretty successful, and our government fully buys into the Program, which if you've ever gotten a drunk driving you will know firsthand. And in 1947 Saab produced its first weird looking car.

In ancient Rome today was the 4th day of the Vestalia. And throughout the world today is Portugal Day. One thing about the Portuguese that I like is that they love cod and have over 300 ways to make it. That makes the Portuguese one of the greatest supporters of my cause. Of course they don't call it cod, they call it bachalhua, because they don't speak God's English, but instead speak a heathen tongue. But I don't care that they call it something else as the fact remains that they love cod.

Happy Birthday: Judy Garland; Maurice Sendak; Dan Fouts, who should have never left Monday Night Football; John Edwards, who should've been the Democratic nominee; Eliot Spitzer, who is one of those people that I have no idea what he's done, I just recognize his name; Kim and Kelley Deal of the Breeders; and Leelee Sobieski.

Enjoy today because there are more storms on the way.