Only Idiots Like Mondays

Alright, seriously, today could have started out better. The fact that it's a (Monday, Soom-waar, Doshanbeh, yawm-al-ithnayn, Kamal, Dyds Llwn, Sweetmorn) doesn't make anything any better. I'm tired of the dramaculous in all its forms. Please people, just let things be.

So, I saw a band called The Republic Tigers on Saturday night, and although it's not really my cup o' tea, it was preety cool. Allie likes this band and from what I can tell, they're getting ready to hit the big time. We also saw a pretty cool art exhibit on Saturday at the Kemper Museum but I can't remember the artist's name... if I do I'll post it since it was well worth a look.

In 1559 King Henry II of France was mortally wounded during a jousting match with Gabriel de Montgomery. This was apparently a freak accident and did great harm to the reputation of jousting. In 1688 the Immortal Seven issued the Invitation to William III of Orange to become the King of England because they wanted a Protestant king and the heir to the throne was Catholic. In 1805 the US Congress organized the Michigan Territory. In 1859 the French acrobat Charles Blondin crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope. I've been to Niagara Falls, it's pretty cool. In 1860 there was a historic debate on evolution at Oxford. In 1882 Charles Giteau was hanged for assassinating Pres. James Garfield. Giteau was born in Illinois but wound up in Ann Arbor for awhile. Eventually he went to Oneida, NY and joined the Oneida Community where they gave him the nickname of Charles Gitout. That's funny. In 1906 the US Congress passed the Meat Inspection Act which is actually pretty important if you think about it. In 1934 the Night of the Long Knives took place in Nazi Germany. In 1953 the first Corvette rolled off the assembly line in Flint, MI. In 1956 a TWA flight collided with a United Airlines flight killing 128. In 1971 the voting age was lowered to 18. And in 2005 Spain legalized same-sex marriages beating California to the punch by three years.

Today is Independence Day in the Democratic Republic of Congo (not to be confused with Plain Republic of Congo). It used to be called Zaire if that helps. The capital of this C. African nation is Kinshasa and there's about 63 million people who live in the nation which is roughly the size of W. Europe. Despite being incredibly wealthy in natural resources the country can't seem to get it's crap together and is constantly engaged in internal strife. The major exports are cobalt, copper, and diamonds. 94% of the people are Christians.

Happy Birthday: John Gay who may or may not have been; Lena Horne; Vincent D'Onofrio; Mike Tyson; Phil Anselmo, who's been in some pretty amazing bands; and Matisyahu, the Jewish reggae guy... I hate reggae music, so not much more to say about this guy.

Enjoy the day, if you can.

Sunday

After a day spent in Lawrence, KS I may have some things I would like to discuss. First of all, I miss living in a college town. The majority of my adult life thus far, despite my most recent stay in the KC Metro, was spent in E. Lansing and Kalamazoo. I actually lived in Kalamazoo longer than any other place in my whole life. But I miss it, the atmosphere. I miss being around people whose sole purpose in life is learning. I am by no means an idealist and do not think that every frat boy and sorority girl is in college to actually become educated. But even at the basest level where college is really nothing more than a trade school (see business, engineering, and pre-med majors, e.g.), the kids are still learning how to be adults. Allie and I had the discussion today about the benefits of living on campus, and my input is that it is while on a college campus that you are exposed to real life for the first time (for those of us that go to college). That being said, it's not actually the Real World, only a shadow of it. It's the best part of the Real World. It's the Real World as the World should be. And in that regard, I do not miss living in a college town. A college town is an illusion. It's a utopia for the middle class. It's a time when you can afford to do things that you will never be able to afford to do again- if you want to be able to actually participate in the RW. I think many of us have tried to carry over our college life into the RW and have believed that it will work. The problem is that no two college experiences are the same (unless yours was a Greek experience). Thus, no one is able to adequately adapt their existential hiatus to anyone else's. I mean seriously, I was a Religious Studies major at a Big 10 university and spent a lot of time smoking weed and having sex when I should have been going to classes. Don't get me wrong, I studied a lot. I read a lot of books that most people will never read. I learned ancient Greek. But my college experience was vastly different from a lot of people that went to the same university as I. I never took more than 12 credit hours in a semester and only took Summer classes once. I grew my hair long and hung out with a bunch of hippies, even though I still claim to have absolutely no hippie tendencies. I had a job, in a library, and did most of my studying while I was working. In fact I even had sex while I was working in the library- more than once. How many people can say that they actually have had sex while they working? I don't know, but in college, or at least my college, I did. My point is: this is not the RW. After being out in the RW for a couple of years, I can honestly say that employers do not schedule work only M-Th. They also do not offer night shifts one day a week that are equivalent to three days worth of work. They take attendence. If your work is not done, you can rarely take an "I" and make it up the following quarter. You can't really skip an hour of work and go down by river and get stoned and read Virginia Woolfe and you certainly can't expect to have sex with one of your co-workers and write it off to a bad acid trip and expect that there will be no repercussions. However, I also know that it's highly unlikely to ever engage your co-workers in a conversation about the influence of social Darwinism on American nationalism over a cup of coffee and a pack of cigarettes without sounding like an a-hole and probably getting fired for being a racist (and possibly sued for sexual harrassment when you ask said co-worker if they want to go back to your place and continue the conversation over a fatty preferrably naked). So, do I miss the college lifestyle? Yes. And no. But college towns are fun to visit, and so I'll probably return to Lawrence sooner or later, or maybe some other town that will take me back to the illusion of the middle-class Utopian dream. And I didn't even get to grad school in this post...

Freitag hunds!

This will be short and to the point- it's Friday (Chukar-waar, Jom'eh, yawm-al-jum'a, Istiqlal, dydd Gwener, Pungenday). Our new attorney, Shrek, not only has a giant head and a round body, but he also smells, apparently. But, whatever, it could be worse.

I got to work late today due to a doctor's appt. And so, quickly, I hope y'all have a good weekend and a safe one. The COD will return in full force on Monday.

Peace Out.

Ich bin ein Berliner

Welcome to (Thursday, Veer-waar, Panjshanbeh, yawm-al-khamis, Istijlal, dydd Ian, Boomtime). This week seems to be moving at a snail's pace. But I guess it's almost over. And of this I am thankful. I have decided that much like Dark Helmet, I am surrounded by a-holes. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please see the movie "Spaceballs". I am of the firm belief that this is one of the funniest movies of all time. You can disagree with me, however, if you do you will suffer eternal damnation during which you will be forced to continually watch re-runs of "Full House." It has been determined that I am not really as cool as I think I am because of the level of excitement I feel at the announcement that someone is finally making a movie of one of Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars books. This is quite possibly on the same level of cool as Star Trek fanatics and Baptists.

In 1284, according to legend, the Pied Piper lured 130 children away from Hamelin, Germany. No one is really sure what this story is based upon, but it is generally assumed that there was an outbreak of the plague which killed a lot of children. For quite some time it was assumed that the Pied Piper was a characterization of an evil Jew who stole the children away from the good German town in order to sacrifice them and drink their blood. But this explanation is now deemed to be un-p.c. In 1409 in what is known to historians as the Western Schism and to the Vatican as The Great Clusterf*&k, a third Pope was elected in Pisa. So, that means there were three Popes at one time, Alexander V, Gregory XII, and Benedict XII. Talk about a marketing nightmare. No one knew what the hell was going on. In 1870 Christmas was declared a federal holiday in the US. In 1934 the first helicopter took flight. In 1959 the St. Lawrence Seaway opened up the Great Lakes to ocean-going vessels. In 1963 John F. Kennedy announced to the world that he was a jelly donut when he stated, "Ich bin ein Berliner." In 1974 the UPC, or barcode, was scanned for the first time. Many idiots believe this to be one of the signs of the Antichrist, or possibly a way for the government to track all major purchases. I have heard that eventually we'll all have barcodes on us so that we can be tracked too. Of course this was told to me by my Uncle Jimmy who burries his money in his yard so that the government won't find it. Of course he's getting old and in about two years he probably won't be able to find it either. In 1975 2 FBI agents were killed in a shootout with AIM members at the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. In 1997 the US Supreme Court ruled that the Communications Decency Act violates the 1st Amendment. And then in 2003 they ruled that gender based sodomy laws were unconstitutional opening up kinky sex to everyone, in the privacy of your own home of course.

Today is the International Day in Support of Torture Victims. So, if you know one, please support them in their recovery. I don't happen to know anyone who has been tortured, so I will be passing on this one.

It is also the International Day agaist Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking. I do know some people who have abused drugs which are illegal and someone must have trafficked them which is inherently illicit. Bad, bad people.

In Madagascar it's Independence Day. In Thailand it's Sunthorn Phu Day in honor of their greatest poet who just happened to also be an alcoholic.

And it's also Saints John and Paul Day. This is followed by the less popular Saints George and Ringo Day.

Enjoy. I'm having trouble finding my baseball.

Money, Money, Money...

Alright, so it's Hump Day. And I would just like to say that I do not like money. I like having it and spending it, I guess... but honestly it causes far more problems than it's worth. Somehow it always seems to be an issue and it always seems to cause an argument in one way or another. And it's an obsession for Americans. If you were an alien and pulled up the MSN homepage to try and figure out what Americans were all about you'd probably decide that our lives are consumed by: 1) our money; (2) our appearance; (3) our entertainment; (4) and how having more money can improve how much money we have, how good we look, and the types of entertainment we can afford. Jesus Christ, Tom Cruise, and Oprah, it makes me feel like butt. And everytime you turn around, someone is coming up with a way to save money so you can have more money to spend on something else or to have later so you can spend it on the same stuff you would have spent it on now. But, what are you going to do? Nothing. You're just going to continue working so you can earn not enough of it so you can continue to stress out about it. But, it's (Wednesday, Bhud-waar, Chaharshanbeh, yawm-al-arba'a, Idal, dydd Mercher, Sweetmorn) and the only good thing about that is that we're at the half-way point and the end of the week is closer than it was yesterday.

In 524 the Franks, a people so called because all men were named Frank, defeated the Burgundians, who were so-called because they all wore burgundy, at the Battle of Vezeronce. In 1788 Virginia was admitted as a state, it is officially a Commonwealth. In 1876 at the Battle of Little Bighorn George Custer commanded one of the most embarrassing losses in US military history. Unfortunately Custer was raised in Monroe, MI. In 1947 the Diary of Anne Frank was published. Two years later the first movie starring Bugs Bunny premiered, "The Long Haired Hare". The following year the Korean War began following a showing of the Bugs Bunny movie. It is a common misconception that the Korean War was over control of the government and a civil war. The real issue was access to movie theaters which was more prevalent in the south. Northern Koreans were rushing into the south to watch Bugs Bunny and the South Koreans mistook this as an invasion. Communism is really about equal access to Bugs Bunny in case you didn't know. In 1976 Missouri governor Chris Bond rescinded the Extermination Order of all Mormons. Up to that point, it was totally legal to kill a Mormon in the state of MO. And twenty years later some terrorists bombed the Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia killing 19 US military personnel. Damn terrorists.

Today is Statehood Day in Slovenia and Croatia.

It is also Independence Day in the SE African nation of Mozambique. The capital of this nation which sits on the Indian Ocean is Maputo and everyone speaks Portuguese there. There are 22 million people in the country and 75% of them are involved in agriculture. The main cash crops are cashews, sugar, cotton, and tea. 24% are Catholics and 24% are non-religious.

It is also National Catfish Day. Here at this blog we hate catfish. Cats are evil creatures who are beloved pets of mad sea cows. A catfish is also not a cod. Therefore, I cannot support this holiday.

Happy Birthday: George Orwell, author of such great works as "1984" "Animal Farm" and "Down and Out In London and Paris"; Carly Simon, who looks like a horse; and Ricky Gervais, the English guy that created the original series "The Office" which was adapted by Americans into a much funnier and better version.

Enjoy your day and if it's possible to do so, please blow up a bank.

O Quebec

Welcome to (Tuesday, Mangal-waar, Seshanbeh, yawm-ath-thalatha, Fidal, dydd Mawrth, Setting Orange). It's rained- again. Tomorrow they're saying that it's going to be our first 90 degree day. I'm not looking forward to that. What I am looking forward to is having a day off which won't be until next week. But, it's something to look forward to. I've always been of the opinion that there's not too many places in North America that I'd like to visit. Maybe this sounds a little uppity. I don't know. But if I had to pick one place that I'd like to see, it'd have to be Montreal. I've heard nothing but good things about the city. And today, there and in all of Quebec it is the Fete nationale du Quebec. The picture is that of the sacre coeur flag which Quebecois are flying today. Note the adaption of the Quebec flag and the presence of the Fleur-de-lis, which are apparently representations of irises, which seems quite fitting these days.

In 972 at the Battle of Cedynia the Polish won their very first battle. Before this they were generally known as horrible fighters. In 1314 the Scottish won a decisive battle at Bannockburn in the War of Independence. In 1374 in Aachen, Germany a sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance caused people to hallucinate and break out in spontaneous jumps and twitches until they collapsed. My guess is that someone spiked the punch with some mushrooms. That sounds like it would be incredibly entertaining. In 1441 Eton College was founded. In 1497 John Cabot landed in Canada, the first European to land in North America since the Vikings. That same day the Cornish traitors Michael An Gof and Thomas Flamanck were executed in London. In 1535 the Anabaptists were finally conquered and surrendered their City of God, Munster, Germany. In 1664 the colony of New Jersey was established in order to provide the colony of New York with a place to dump its garbage. In 1717 the first Freemasonic lodge was founded in London. In 1794 Bowdoin College was founded. In 1918 the first Canadian airmail service was established between Montreal and Toronto. In 1947 the first widely reported UFO sighting occurred on Mt. Ranier in Washington. Ten years later, the US Supreme Court ruled that obscenity was not protected by the First Amendment. In 1975 an Eastern Airlines flight crashed in NYC killing 113. And six years ago a train crash in Tanzania killed 281.

Today is the boxer Jack Dempsey's birthday. He has a fish named after him. It is also the first day of the Baha'i month of Rahmat, or "Mercy".

Enjoy the day...I'll be here until five.

It's Monday Dog

Whoops, I just realized that if you hit after you type in the title, your post is published. That's interesting... I guess I'm still getting used to this deal. I'm sure there's all sorts of crazy things I could be doing on this blog, such as linking videos, etc. But I'm keeping things as simple as possible. The mere fact that this even exists is a miracle. To make my life unbearable, it's (Monday, Soom-waar, Doshanbeh, yawm-al-ithnayn, Kamal, Dyds Llwn, Prickle-Prickle). At least I'm not hung over like some people in the office. In fact, I haven't been hung over in over six months. That's a big change in my life.

So, in 1611 Henry Hudson's crew mutinied and set Henry, his son, and 7 others adrift in the Hudson Bay never to be found again. That would suck. In 1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with the Lenni Lenape Indians in PA. They exchanged BFF pendants and bracelets. In 1713 the British gave the Acadians a year to either swear allegiance to the crown or leave Canada. In 1686 Christopher Sholes patented the typewriter. Thank god we now have Microsoft Word, typewriters suck. In 1888 Frederick Douglass became the first African-American to be nominated for US President. Did you know Barack's middle name is Hussein? Seriously, that's a bad middle name to have. In 1926 the first SAT was administered. In 1958 the Dutch Reformed Church accepted women miniters. In 1959 a fire at a Norwegian hotel killed 34. In 1968 a stampede at a soccer game in Buenos Aires killed 74. In 1985 a bomb aboard an Air India flight exploded off the coast of Ireland killing 329. And in 1988, twenty years ago, James Hansen testified before the US Senate that he was 99% sure that global warming had started already. And today there's still some people who are surprised that the weather's really screwy lately.

Today is Victory Day in Estonia. Estonia's capital is Tallinn and there's about 1.4 million people who live in this little country on the Baltic Sea. Much of Estonia's culutral identity is derived from the Northern Crusades during which the Catholics killed a bunch of pagans using a military order known as the Livonian Brothers of the Sword.

It's Father's Day in Poland, Nicaragua, and Uganda. None of these countries have anything else in common. In Luxembourg today is the Official Birthday of the Grand Duke.

Happy Birthday as well to: Glenn Danzig; Randy Jackson, from American Idol fame; and Chico DeBarge.

Enjoy your day. Tomorrow it won't be Monday anymore....