OMG it's finally Thursday (Veer-waar, Panjshanbeh, yawm-al-khamis, Istijlal, Setting Orange). It is also the Ides of May which means absolutely nothing to me, but it sounds cool to say it. So, yesterday evening I got tricked into going to the Den of W.T. and Iniquity, a.k.a. Wal-Mart. It doesn't matter which Wal-Mart you go into, you could go into any Wal-Mart in the country and the clientelle is exactly the same: W.T. (or the equivalent socio-economic taxonomical term for the cultural majority in said Wal-Mart). Not only will you find the same class of of people, but you will find the same size of people. Around every corner you find cankles and cottage cheese. Everyone wears sweatpants at Wal-Mart. Wal-Marts are like giant light bulbs that attract ugly people from all corners of the neighborhood. The fat humanoids are drawn to the glowing light and cannot help but find their way to the low prices and flourescent-bulbed aisles down which they push their carts filled with fat children while looking miserable and angry because they realize that they are just as fat and ugly as the rest of the WT's walking around aimlessly. At least they're getting some exercise.
In 1252 Pope Innocent IV issued the papal bull "ad extirpanda" which authorized the torture of heretics during the Inquisition. GW Bush attempted to cite this bull in his justification for torturing terrorists, but he wrongly referred to it in a press conference about the birth of a new panda cub, and some German media, who are the only ones who actually are smart enough to read Latin, began circulating a story in Europe claiming that Americans support the torture of pandas. In 1525 Thomas Muntzer, who was an apocalyptic preacher and general whack job, led a group of peasants in an uprising against their rulers. As fate would have it, approximately 10,000 peasants were killed in the battle, while only 6 died from the other side. Muntzer was captured and later beheaded. In 1602 Bartholomew Gosnold discovered Cape Cod, the official cape of this blog. This would make the Cape Cod the official drink of this blog as well. And though I'm not the one who always drinks Cape Cods (Allie M.), you really can't go wrong with ordering one. In 1718 James Puckle patented the first machine gun. In 1817 the first insane asylum in the US opened in Philadelphia called the "Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of Their Reason." That is an awesome name for a nut house. In 1862 the US Dept of Agriculture was created. Seven years later Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Stanton formed the National Woman's Suffrage Association which was labeled a terrorist organization at the time. In 1905 Las Vegas was founded. In 1935 the Moscow Metro opened. And five years later the first McDonald's opened in San Bernadino, CA.
Today is International Conscientious Objectors Day. I would like to object to having to work and pay taxes, conscientiously of course.
In the central S. American nation of Paraguay today is Independence Day. We don't hear much about Paraguay but its capital is Asuncion and there are about 6.7 million people who live in the landlocked country. It's the 2nd poorest nation in S. America and its major exports are cattle and soybeans. Sounds like Illinois. 95% of the population are mestizos (or mixed race) and of Spanish-Guarani Indian descent. 89% are Roman Catholics althought there are 66,000 Mormons.
In ancient Rome today was the Mercuralia in honor of Mercury the god of merchants and commerce. In the US today is Peace Officers Memorial Day. In Mexico and S. Korea it's Teachers' Day and I would propose we eat burritos gatos in honor of this event.
For Palestinians today is Nakba Day or the Day of Catastrophe in memory of the founding of the State of Israel and the resulting displacement of over 700,000 Palestinians. There were people who lived there before the UN decided to create Israel and when it was created all those who lived there were forced into exile. No wonder why Palestinians are angry.
Happy Birthday: Peter Schaffer who wrote "Equus" which is a really good play; Jasper Johns, I don't get his art; Madeleine Albright, one of the uglies women in politics ever; Brian Eno; Chazz Palminteri; KC hero, George Brett; and steroid monster and murderer Ray Lewis, yeah, I said it.
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