"People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?"- Rodney King, 16 years ago today.
Once again we find ourself at work on this (Thursday, Veer-waar, Panjshanbeh, yawm-al-khamis, Istijlal, Sweetmorn) when the rest of the world has the day off. The reason is that it is Labour Day in the rest of the known universe. Of course in America, we have to be different and celebrate it in September. Why? I don't know. Maybe because we're not socialist scum. Not that there's anything wrong with socialists, they seem to have more holidays than capitalists. And right now, I could use a holiday. Today is Law Day in the USofA but seeing as how we don't really respect the law, it's still not a holiday. And if that's not enough, it's all so May Day. This has something to do with a mullberry bush and a running around a flagpole I think. I could be confusing my children's songs.
In 1707 England and Scotland merged and formed the Kingdom of Great Britain. In 1753 the "Species Planatarum" was published which codified plant taxonomy for the ages. In 1776 Adam Weishaupt established the Illuminati in Bavaria in order to take over the world. He took as his superhero name Brother Spartacus. He claimed to have the power of gaydar and wore black leather chaps and a thong. Many thought he was a tad strange. In 1834 slavery was abolished in the British colonies. In 1846 the Mormons dedicated the Temple in Nauvoo, IL. Two years later Phi Gamma Delta fraternity was founded. In 1886 the 8 hr work day was established in the US. In 1900 200 miners died in Scofield, UT. In 1927 the first cooked meals were served during a flight. Pasta or chicken? In 1931 the Empire State Building was dedicated. In 1971 Amtrak was founded. And in 1978 the first spam email was sent.
Today is Yom HaShoah, or Holocaust Remebrance Day. It is only slightly inconsiderate to propose a BBQ to celebrate. It's also Beltane in the Celtic lands which requires bonfires to be lit which may or may not be a reason to celebrate, but you should not celebrate both holidays at once.
In the Czech Republic today is National Love Day. In the past, I would be opposed to such a day. For some reason, I'm now completely ok with the idea of celebrating love and think that when you say love you should say it like Barry White said it. It's Lei Day in Hawaii which could be taken as having to do with some lovin'. And to make matters even better, it's National Outdoor Intercourse Day. That's what I'm talkin' about. Some good ol' outdoor lovin'. Everyone should go outside with their lover and become one with nature, or maybe two with nature, of if your're feeling really sexy, three with nature. Even the Romans were thinking about love today as the women of Rome were honoring Bona Dea today, the goddess of fertility (and virginity and healing and women).
It's all about the love baby! You may be allergic to the spring pollens, but you know you're not allergic to love, and if you are allergic to love, then you need some love antihistamines, like white chocolate, and my nickname just happens to be white chocolate. So while you're spending your May Day at work sneezing and mad because you're not in a socialist country which has the day off of work and stuck in your capitalist office, just remember that there's someone out there that loves you and has some love antihistamines waiting for you and it's called white chocolate. And if you want to be called Calamity Jane, because it's her birthday today, even though she looked like a man (see picture), then I'll be your Pecos Bill, and we can make sweet cowboy love under a blanket of stars and I'll sing you a Tim McGraw song (it's his birthday too) although I don't know any, but I'm sure at least one of them is about love. And I love you even if you are sneezing due to all the pollens in the air and you have snot running down your face and I made you wear that Lei around your neck which is made of flowers and is making your allergies even worse, but hey, I always wanted to make love outdoors to a cowgirl in a lei. I'll call you Bona Dea, baby, and my love is bonified, I promise.
Ok... I will now put down the pipe.
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