Competitive Bed-Wetting

I don't know whether or not I should be happy that it's (Wednesday, Bhud-waar, Chaharshanbeh, yawm-al-arba'a, Idal, Setting Orange). The day started out pretty flippin' good. It's supposed to be 80 degrees today which makes me feel rather warm and fuzzy. But, still it's ONLY Wednesday and this week has taken its toll.

I think that one of the things that sets Americans apart from the rest of the world is our competitiveness. We love competing in things. We love victory. The rest of the world has basically one professional sport- soccer. (True, there are others rugby, hockey, cricket, Formula 1, golf.) We have a sport for every season and can't seem to get enough of any of them. And not only do we love professional sports we love all sports. In fact we try to make competitions out of everything. Who can eat the most hot dogs in a minute? Who can pull an airplane the furthest with his teeth? Who is the best singer? Who is the fattest person that lost the most weight? Who sold the most records? Who is the best dancer? You get the picture. And now we have competing celebrities who are ranked by something called the xRank. I don't know what this is and I am not going to find out. But do we really need to pit our celebrities against each other to find out who's the best? If it were a real-life celebrity death match, then I'd say ok. But this is just something to waste more of our time worrying about and obsessing about. If I spent as much time paying attention to GD celebrities as I do writing this blog, then maybe Allie would let me be on her trivia team. But I could give a flying F*&K how Paris Hilton stacks up against Brittney Spears in the latest xRankings. Here's the deal. They're both attractive women who are famous because of some really good (and bad) publicity who can't wipe their own asses without their entourage around to help them and who likely are so wrapped up in their own fame that they will actually pay attention to these BS xRankings and start doing things to be even more famous. Eventually news of bed-wettings will follow. I promise.

Ok, so, in 711 the Moors began their conquest of the Iberian Peninsula (Spain). In 1492 Spain granted Christopher Columbus his commission of exploration. In 1789 George Washington took oath as the first President of the USofA. In 1803 the US bought the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. Nine years later Louisiana became a state. In 1871 settlers in Arizona massacred 144 Apaches, mostly women and children. In 1900 Casey Jones died in a train wreck. Whether he was high on cocaine, I cannot say. In 1927 the first women's federal prison opened in Alderson, WV. That same day Douglas Fairbanks and Mary Pickford became the first celebrities to put their footprints in the cement at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood. In 1939 regularly scheduled TV broadcasting was begun by NBC. Later that day FDR became the first President to appear on TV. In 1945 Adolf and Eva committed suicide in their bunker on their honeymoon.

In case you were wondering, Jimi Hendrix was apparently well-endowed.

Tonight is Walpurgis Night in Europe. This was known as the "enclosure of the fallen" and was a time when the dead were said to walk the earth. To fend off these scary ghost people lit bonfires. In Celtic counties, it's known as Beltane Eve. And in the Czech Republic and Slovakia tonight is Witches' Night. Mostly it's just a big party now, but I bet there's some overweight lesbians running around the woods naked somewhere calling down the goddess.

In Vietnam today is Liberation Day. In Mexico today is Children's Day.

Happy Birthday: King Philip III of France (dead); Queen Mary II of England (dead); Queen Juliana of the Netherlands (dead); Willie Nelson (stoned); King Carl XVI of Sweden (cold); Isiah Thomas (unemployed); and Kirsten Dunst (typecasted).

Later....