Earth Day

Hello. Welcome to Earth Day. Today we should all feel very earthy. We should do things that make us feel good about our planet and our future. I know you're asking yourself, "What can I do today that will make me feel good about my planet?" When trying to decide what to do today, simply ask yourself, "What would a hippie do?" You'll quickly come up with a list of things to do. Don't take a shower. Don't shave- anywhere. Wear sandals. Wear clothes that are loose fitting and look like they haven't been washed in a year. Cover your natural stank with patchouli. Carry around bongo drums or a guitar. Sit Indian-style on the floor even if you are in a place where you would not normally do so, like a bank. Eat stuff like hummus and falafel and sing songs about peace, love, and brotherhood (or sisterhood). Break into a weird circular dancing at the drop of a hat in places you normally wouldn't do so- like anywhere. Tell perfect strangers about the plight of the indigenous people of a third world country such as Flint, MI. Did I mention you shouldn't shave? You could also recycle something or turn out the lights when you leave a room or take the bus to work. If this doesn't sound appealing you could just donate some money to some group that says they are doing stuff that's ecologically smart. These groups do not include oil companies, tire factories, or the Republican party.

So, in 1500 the Portuguese navigator Pedro Cabral became the first European to sight Brazil. He decided to call it Brazil because it looked like a nut. In 1836 Sam Houston captured Mexican General Santa Anna. The term green card has absolutely nothing to do with Earth Day or any ecological issue unless you consider immigration a population control and sustainability issue and if you do, then you could make the immigration issue an environmental issue and maybe get some hippies to join forces with the Minutemen and that would just be weird. In 1864 the phrase "In God We Trust" was approved for placement on every minted coin in the US. The motto of this blog is from this point on "In Cod we trust". This is because of obvious reasons. In 1889 at high noon, the Great Land Run of 1889 took place in Oklahoma as depicted in the film "Far and Away" featuring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. I hate to say that I liked this movie, but I did. This was before Tom Cruise became the spokesperson for Scientology. Now, I will say that Tom's acting wasn't all that great, did he even attempt an Irish accent? In any case, Nicole Kidman is one of the most beautiful actresses ever. However, she married Tom Cruise which leads me to believe that she has some issues. She is also Australian which is the international equivalent of being Texan. So, that's two strikes against her right there. In 1970 the first Earth Day was celebrated. In 1992 an explosion in Guadalajara, Mexico killed 206 people. Five years later 93 more villagers were massacred in Haouch Khemisti, Algeria. And in 2000 federal agents seized Elian Gonzalez from his relatives in Miami. This was one of those things that people got all worked up about that turned out to not be that big of a deal.

On this wonderful (Tuesday, Mangal-waar, Seshanbeh, yawm-ath-thalatha, Fidal, Boomtime) you should wish a happy birthday to: Queen Isabella of Castile and Leon, dead; Pope Alexander VIII, dead; Immanuel Kant, the German philopsher who said some things that are too complex to summarize this early; Bettie Page; Jack Nicholson; Peter Frampton, who I've seen in concert; and Marilyn Chambers, star of classic films such as "Behind the Green Door" and "Insatiable".

Happy Earth Day, everyone. "If infinite rednecks fired infinite shotguns at an infinite number of road signs, they'd eventually create all the great literary works of the world in braille."