I am the Walrus

Goo-goo-g'joob.

Welcome to Tuesday (Mangal-waar, Seshanbeh, yawm-ath-thalatha, Fidal, Prickle-Prickle). There's all sorts of weird things going on the world. I'm sure you heard about that nut job in Austria who kept his daughter locked up and kept impregnating her over the last 24 years. Despite the sickness of it all, that's a lot of work for one guy. Then on MSN this morning someone feels bad for rich people who have to fill up the gas tanks in their private jets... Are you serious? If it's such a big strain on you budget, fly first class and let your jet sit in the hangar for a bit. I know it's probably hard to go back to flying like everyone else in the world and that getting to board first, exit first, and get free drinks and your ass kissed really sucks, but if you can't afford the petrol for the Lear jet, then maybe mass transportation is what you'll have to suffer through. I mean I know I hate having to sit in a barcalounger while I fly, which is why I prefer to fly coach and get stuck in a seat the size of the one you had at school in 6th grade. Invariably I'm stuck between a 350-lb gorilla and an old woman who smells like cabbage and wants to tell you about her daughter in Indiana who just got divorced and has three kids, all of whom look like little warthogs, and who she's going to visit for the first time since the divorce was finalized. The question that always follows is, "So, where are you traveling to?" Not G.D. Indiana to meet your fat pasty daughter and her three fat kids who honestly believe that Larry Bird was at one time President of these United States and that you actually can have a dressy pair of sweat pants and that your "nice sweats" are what you wear into town when you go to Wal-Mart. I hate flippin' Indiana. If Gary, IN is the a-hole of the country, then the rest of the state is like that area between your scrotum and your a-hole, which I guess would make Kentucky your balls (unless you're a woman, and then KY would be the hoo-ha).

"Humpty Dumpty was a big fat egg, he was playing the wall and then he broke his leg..."

In 1429 Joan of Arc arrived at Orleans to rally the French. In 1864 a bunch of engineering students founded Theta Xi fraternity at Rensselar Polytechnic Institute in NY. In 1945 Adolf Hitler married Eva Braun in a bunker. Very romantic. In 1967 Muhammad Ali was stripped of his boxing title for refusing to enter the US Army for religious reasons. In case you were wondering, Ali converted to the Nation of Islam after hanging out with Malcolm X (not to be confused with Malcolm in the Middle). The following year, the hippie musical "Hair" debuted on Broadway. In 1991 a cylone hit Bangladesh and killed over 138,000 people. One year later people in Los Angeles rioted after the cops who beat Rodney King were acquitted. 53 people were killed over a three-day period. And in 2004 the last Oldsmobile rolled off the assembly line, marking another sad day for the American auto industry and the state of Michigan.

Today is International Dance Day. This is awesome. I think everyday should be dance day. Not that I feel much like dancing today, but there are days when I feel like shakin' my money maker. If anyone wants to go dancing, please let me know, I'm down like James Brown.

"Disco bag schlepping and you're doing the bump, Shake your rump"

In Japan today- Showa Day- is the beginning of the Golden Week which is like a national week of reflection on the evils of the period under Hirohito.

Happy Birthday: Taliesin, the Welsh poet; Duke Ellington; Jerry Seinfeld, who I cannot stand; and Uma Thurman.

Enjoy your day. I can promise you that if I were available, which I'm not, I would never date Condoleeza Rice..."is nice, but I prefer A-Roni, or that man on the tv who speaks to the dead, you know that man's a phony. Everybody move to Canada, smoke lots of pot, everybody move to Canada right now."