The Buck Stops Here

Thank you Connor Cruise, you genetically perfect product of TomKat, harbinger of Scientology's message to the next generation, future obsession of the media, and bound to be in rehab by the time he's 16, for allowing us to once again make it to Friday (Chukar-waar, Jom'eh, yawm-al-jum'a, Istiqlal, Setting Orange).

Today's picture was a tough decision. The choice was between an bunch of old women in red hats, since it's Red Hat Society Day; and Joe Buck, whose birthday it is today. My grandma is in the Red Hat Society which from what I understand is a secret society of old women who are intent on taking over the world by getting together and having dinner and hearing guest speakers talk about things such as the history of the thumb tack. Joe Buck, on the other hand, is one of my least favorite people on television. I hate him. He's everywhere. The guy has the biggest man crush on Troy Aikman in the history of man crushes. I sincerely believe that Joe Buck wants nothing more than to grab Troy Aikman right there in the announcer's booth and kiss him and pronounce his man-love for him in front of the Fox Sunday NFL broadcast world. I mean seriously I have never seen an announcer verbally suck another announcer's junk as bad as Joe Buck does to Troy Aikman. I hate you, Joe Buck.

In 1792 Nicholas J. Pelletier became the first person to be executed by guillotine. In 1846 a dispute over the Texas border led to the Mexican-American War. Today's border is a porrous imaginary line over which the invaders are rushing in like so many vermin. The following year the last survivors of the Donner Party made it to safety. Although it ended up not being much of a party, they did report that there were some tasty treats provided by the hosts. Tastes of chicken. In 1898 the US declared war on Spain. I'd like to compile a list of all the countries we have been at war with. I bet it'd be long. In 1901 New York became the fist state to require license plates on cars. In 1916 the first ANZAC Day was celebrated in Australian and New Zealand commemorating troops lost in WWI. In 1944 the United Negro College Fund was established. In 1953 Crick and Watson published a paper describing the double helix structure of DNA. In 1959 the St. Lawrence Seaway connecting the Great Lakes and the Atlantic ocean opened to shipping. In 1990 the Hubble Telescope was deployed allowing astronomers to look way out into space when pointed that way. When they turn it around they can see a dimple on a frog's ass, if they so desire. And three years ago 107 people died in a train wreck in Japan.

In the Faroe Islands today is Flag Day. In Portugal it's Freedom Day. It is also World Malaria Day. So, happy Malaria Day. I hope you don't catch malaria and if you do I hope that you are quarantined in a really nice facility and that I don't see you for awhile.

In ancient Rome today was the Robigalia in honor of the fertility god Robigus, who was also god of wheat. His name means "mildew". He is also god of robes. His sister, Robigo was also a fertility goddess and goddess of corn. To celebrate the Romans sacrificed red dogs and poured red wine all over the place. I don't know what constitutes a red dog. The only one I can think of is an Irish Setter.

Alright lots of birthdays: Otho, Roman Emperor; King Louis IX; King Conrad IV; King Edward II; Oliver Cromwell; Ella Fitzgerald; Al Pacino; Hank Azaria; Rene Zellweger; and really funny guy, Jason Lee- please, if you haven't, watch "Mallrats."

Have a good day and a great weekend!!