When in Rome

Welcome to the Terrordome. Yes sir, it's (Monday, Soom-waar, Doshanbeh, yawm-al-ithnayn, Kamal, Sweetmorn). I trust everyone's weekend was fabulous. The weather was great, company was brilliant, and I think I broke my thumb. In any case, invariably work begins again, and with that comes traffic and annoying clients.

So, apparently in 753 BCE, Romulus and Remus founded Rome. That makes Rome an extremely old city. There's that saying that starts, "when in Rome...", I have no idea where the saying comes from. But Romans don't really do anything special. They don't seem to work. They are all extremely thin and they smoke cigarettes and drink espresso and wine. They eat dinner at 10:00 at night. They always have sunglasses on and they always look like they just stepped out of a catalog. They drive like maniacs and park in like manner. Cell phone use is out of control. They are animated when speaking using every muscle in their upper body to communicate. And the food in Rome is nothing special, you have to try to find a good meal and stay away from the tourist spots, which is basically the entire city.

In 1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England. In 1836 the army of the Republic of Texas under Sam Houston defeated Mexican troops under Gen. Santa Anna at the Battle of San Jacinto. In 1863 the Baha'u'llah declared his mission to the world making today the start of the king of all Baha'i festivals- Ridvan, which means "paradise". When Baha'u'llah declared himself to be the Bab, much like "the dude", people went apeshit. Today the Baha'i do not work. I am declaring myself to be a Baha'i right now and am refusing to work for the rest of the day. I will not call myself the Bab, however. Instead I will be "the Dave". In 1918 the Red Baron was shot down and killed. In his honor, we give you frozen pizzas. In 1944 women got the right to vote in France. Sacre bleu. In 1952 Secretary's Day was celebrated for the first time. Secretaries have gone the way of stewardesses and are now nearly extinct (except for upper echelon government posts where it's still ok to be a secretary). In 1966 Haile Selassie visited Jamaica bringing the Rastafarian movement to that island. "Pass the joint to the left hand side." And nearly twenty years ago, 1989, the Tiananmen Square protests took place in Beijing.

In ancient Rome they'd not only be celebrating the birth of the city, but also the Parilia, in honor of Pares, the androgynous deity of shepherds and sheep. This was a purification ritual for the sheep and their shepherd and is really gross. But I guess if you're going to love someone, both parties should be cleansed in order to decrease cross-species diseases. If you don't believe me, ask a Scottish person.

Happy Birthday: Max Weber, the German sociologist; Charles Grodin; Iggy Pop; Tony Danza; Andie MacDowell; and the Irish singer whom I'm going to see in concert very soon, Glen Hansard.

Enjoy the day and watch out for any impure sheep.