Good god it's nasty outside. I'm so sick of this freaking winter. You wake up expecting a normal (Thursday, Veer-waar, Panjshanbeh, yawm-al-khamis, Istijlal, Boomtime) and the phone call comes saying that the Cheese Factory is opening late due to poor road conditions. First of all, in Missouri ever road is in poor condition. I thought Michigan was bad, but Missouri takes the cake in that department. Add any form of precipitation to the roadways and they become deadly. On the roads you will find some of the worst drivers in the nation in a rabid state of panic. FTS. I just want Mother Nature to get off the rag.
In 1543 an army of heroic Ethiopians and Portuguese defeated a Muslim army at the Battle of Wayna Daga. In 1743 Handel's oratorio Samson debuted in London. An oratorio is somewhat like an opera but is simply intended as a concert piece, whereas an opera is a theatrical production. In 1804 the first self-propelled locomotive debuted at Pen-y-Darren, Wales. In 1842 John Greenough received the first US patent for the sewing machine. In 1848 Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels published the Communist Manifesto. Shortly thereafter the phrase "commie bastard" became popular in all freedom loving nations. One thing we learned from the Cold War is that god hates Communists. In fact god hates a lot of people, but Communists are right up there with Muslims, Satanists, Mormons, and gays. (This is according to School Board of Kansas and is not a reflection of the views of this author.) Thirty years later the first telephone book was issued in New Haven, CT. In 1885 the Washington Monument was dedicated. The American press issued a statement to the rest of the world that it was in no way compensation for any shortcomings American men might feel. In 1893 Thomas Edison got two more patents. In 1907 125 people died when the SS Berlin sank. In 1925 The New Yorker published its first issue. In 1948 NASCAR was incorporated- giving rednecks a reason to get together and drink heavily for 60 years. Ten years later the peace symbol was designed. Some people say it's Satanic as it's a broken cross, and inverted it is actually a symbol used by both a Satanic group and a white supremicist organization. In 1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City by members of the Nation of Islam, a group that Malcom X propelled into the forefront of the Civil Rights movement. Some would say that the CIA was involved but we all know that our government would never involve itself in the assassination of its own citizens. In 1971 the Convention of Pyschotropic Substances was signed in Vienna. God I could use some psychotropic substances right now. And in 1973 an Israeli fighter jet shot down a Libyan Airlines flight killing 103 people. I have no idea why Arabs hate Israel, it just doesn't make any sense.
Today is International Mother Language Day. Everyone should talk like their mother today. In fact I think you should call your mother and tell her that you love her and that appreciate her giving you the gift of life and not leaving you in a trash can at McDonald's or inside a car for countless hours on a hot summer day. Babies are small and are easy to misplace, sort of like car keys. So you should thank you mom for not losing you.
Happy Birthday: Anais Nin; WH Auden; Nina Simone; David Geffen; Kelsey Grammer; author of Fight Club, et al., Chuck Palahniuk; my favorite author, David Foster Wallace; William Baldwin; Jennifer Love Hewitt (who to my knowledge has still not set those puppies free); and Welsh singer Charlotte Church.
Enjoy your Thursday. It's nearly Friday and because Missouri is hell and has frozen over pigs will soon be flying and fat ladies singing everywhere. One great big whompadilly, I tell ya.
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