Presidents' Day

Welcome to hell, a.k.a, Monday. In Iran today is Doshanbeh, Bahman 29, 1386. In Iraq, Yawm-al-ithnayn, Safar 10, 1429. In the imaginary world of Discordia, Prickle-Prickle, Chaos 49, 3174. Despite the fact that it's Presidents' Day, which means federal and state employees and those who work in banks and for the post office do not have to work today, the Cheese Factory is still running strong. Because man (and woman) cannot live on bread alone, people need cheese to put on their bread and someone has to make the damn cheese. It must be melted cheese or I won't eat it. This requires some sort of melting device such as an oven or open fire. Unfortunately it's not a good idea to have an open fire in a law office due to the amount of paper. This place would go up like a tinder box. And I do not trust that the Scarritt Building has a sprinkler system that is worth much of anything. The damn elevators don't even work for more than two days in a row. I am not bitter.

Fortunately we live in a country where anyone can go out and buy a gun and then take the gun into a crowded lecture hall and open fire on your classmates. Nothing like blowing a little steam off. Apparently the shooter may have had a dark side- no shit. What geniuses does MSN have writing for them? You're not going to see Richard Simmons walking into his gym one day and opening fire on his clients. He's like the happiest guy in the whole world.

Anyway, In 3102 BCE Lord Krishna is believed (by Hare Krisnas and Hindus) to have left the planet. I'm not sure they specify where he went to, but I'm guessing it wasn't the Great Wal-Mart in the sky. In 1229 Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II signed a ten year-truce with al-Kamil regaining control of Jerusalem, Nazareth, and Bethlehem. This was part of the Sixth Crusade and the Pope did not approve of this peaceful method as Popes liked to see blood spilled in the name of the cross. In 1841 the first ongoing filibuster in the US Senate began and lasted until March 11. In 1861 Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as President of the Confederate States of America in Montgomery, AL. Happy Presidents' Day, Mr. Davis. In 1885 Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was published. I am pretty sure that everyone was forced to read that book, weren't they? In 1929 the first Academy Awards were announced. In 1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane and also the first cow to be milked in an airplane. Please, god, tell me there was never a second cow milked in an airplane. In 1954 the first Church of Scientology opened for business in Los Angeles. Now they're everywhere. I hate you Tom Cruise. In 1972 the death sentence in California was ruled by that state's Supreme Court to be invalid. In 1979 snow fell in the Sahara Desert for the first and so far only time in history. In 1983 13 people were killed in the worst robbery-motivated mass murder ever in Seattle. In 1991 the IRA bombed both Victorian and Paddington Stations in London. In 2001 Dale Earnhardt was killed in the Daytona 500. After 9/11 and Pearl Harbor this was the saddest day for rednecks ever. In 2003 about 200 people died in subway fire in South Korea. The fire was set on purpose by a man upset because the grocery store ran out of pickled cats' feet. And in 2005 fox hunting was banned in the UK. Wealthy British were very upset by this as they had nowhere to wear those funny red fox-hunting outfits any longer.

In The Gambia today is Independence Day. In this western African nation, whose capital is Banjul, most people are Muslim, speak English, and rely on subsistence farming. The Gambia is the smallest African nation and only has a population of 1.5 million. Peanuts are the largest cash crop. In Alex Haley's novel Roots, the narrator apparently traces his ancestry back to The Gambia. I cannot confirm this as I've never read the book.

Birthdays: Queen Mary I of England (dead); Enzo Ferrari (dead); Yoko Ono, you broke up the Beatles, bitch; Cybill Shepherd; John Travolta- another Scientologist nut job; Vanna White; Matt Dillon; Dr. Dre; and Molly Ringwald, star of movies like Sixteen Candles which I watched just last night.

Enjoy your Monday (Soom-waar, Kamal) and please remember that weathermen are idiots.