Pungenday, Chaos 53, 3174

Can it possibly be Friday (Chukar-waar, Jom'eh, yawm-al-jum'a, Istiqlal)? According the Tom Cruise it is. And we all know that he will sooner or later be our leader and protect us against the evils of drug addiction and the lies of psychoanalysis. And while Tom Cruise is great, and one of the best actors ever, he cannot shoot down a spy satellite. You know who can? The United States Navy can. They are protecting the world from toxic fuel by blowing the satellite up in the atmosphere which seems like it would put the fuel into the atmosphere and poison the air. I'm guessing there's secrets on that satellite they don't want people to find. More than likely the government has been using spy satellites to obtain secret sex videos of celebrities which they then distribute to the media. I bet they also have secret sex videos of world leaders and politicians which they use as blackmail. They would not distribute these to the media because no one wants to see John McCain getting it on, let alone Nancy Pelosi. It's one of those "just in case" things. So, the government's secret stash of hidden sex tapes is now dust in the wind. That makes me think of a song...

In 1632 Galileo's Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems was published. There was no mention of either Microsoft or Starbucks in this dialogue so obviously Galileo was a moron. In 1819 Spain sold Florida to the US for $5 million. I guess that's a pretty good deal. The problem is that Florida sucks donkey balls. It is hot and covered with trailer parks. There are far too many old people and the entire state smells like sweaty cabbage. (Unless you are in South Beach and then it smells like Dolce & Gabana after a wild night at a Russian bath house.) In 1879 the first Woolworth store opened in Utica, NY. Woolworth used to be a staple of Americana and has gone the way of some many worthwhile things...although I'm having trouble thinking of any at the moment. In 1889 North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, and Washington were all admitted as states. In 1920 the first imitation rabbits were used at dog racing tracks. The rabbit union unanimously voted to strike. The dogs were somewhat indifferent and approved the deal on condition that someone would just pet them once in awhile. In 1923 the US Postal Service began its first transcontinental air mail route. The following year Calvin Coolidge became the first US President to deliver a radio address from the White House. In 1943 members of the White Rose Society, a pasicfist group, were executed by the Nazi government for treason. In 1997 Scottish scientists cloned a sheep and called her Dolly. Four days later it was confirmed that boning a cloned sheep is exactly the same as a normal sheep. Scottish people were relieved and unanimously approved the use of cloned sheep for shagging. And two years ago Britain's largest bank robbery occurred when thieves stole over $90 million from a bank in Kent.

What somepeople call getting kidnapped by the police, most people call getting arrested.

In the Carribean island nation of St. Lucia, today is Independence Day. The capital of St. Lucia is Castries and there are about 161,000 people who live on the island. It is a member of the Commonwealth and so they worship the Queen of England. St. Lucia has the highest ratio of Nobel Prize laureates in respect to population. Odd fact. 70% of the nation are Roman Catholics and most are of African descent. Despite the fact that no one ever hears about this country, Britain and France fought 14 wars over this island in the 18th and 19th centuries.

Happy Birthday: King Charles VII of France (dead); George Washington (dead); Ted Kennedy (drunk); Julius "Dr. J." Erving; Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin (crikey-dead); James "you're beautiful" Blunt; and Drew Barrymore.

Enjoy your Friday and the weekend. And remember, "The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."