"People, they say I'm really funny looking, but that's alright, 'cause I get things cookin'. You glare, stare, you're constantly tryin' to compare me, but you can't get near me."
That's right, it's Hump Day!! And we should all go home and do the Humpty Hump. It's not as exciting as bed wrestling, but it's a close second. Here at the Cheese Factory, it's come to my attention that the new MMG feels awkward around me. FTS! The fact that she even said that makes me want to smack someone. Ok, being that it's (Wednesday, Bhud-waar, Chaharshanbeh, yawm-al-arba'a, Idal, Sweetmorn), I'm just thankful that I don't have cankles. And according to investigators, Gov. Spitzer was a "repeat customer". Do hookers have those punch cards like the coffee shop downstairs? Buy ten, get the next one free. Now that's worth getting your card punched.
In 1664 New Jersey became a British Colony. Shortly thereafter the women began growing extremely large hair and wearing sweatsuits to hide their ginormous buttocks. In 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. In 1912 the Girl Guides was founded. They later changed their name to the Girl Scouts and began selling cookies. In 1918 Moscow replaced St. Petersberg as the capital of Russia. One good thing to drink during the summer is the Moscow Mule. They are crisp and refreshing and after several of them it actually feels like a mule kicked you in the forehead. Ten years later the St. Francis dam in California burst and killed 400 people. In 1930 Mahatma Gandhi led a march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. Salt is one thing that we take for granted. If you wanted some salt, all you need to do is to walk into any restaurant and steal the shaker from the table. At one point in time salt was more valuable than gold. Pliny the Elder stated, "...a civilized life is impossible without salt." Roman soldiers actually received part of their salary in salt. How pissed would you be if on Friday, your boss gave you half your normal paycheck and the remainder in a giant box of Morton's salt? In 1993 several bombs exploded in Bombay, India killing about 300 people. And in 1994 the Church of England ordained its first female priests. Do they all them priestesses? Or is that sexist, like all mailmen are now mailcarriers, and stewardesses are now flight attendants? I defer to the experts on this one.
In the Faroe Islands, which are located due north of Scotland and are an autonomous province of Denmark, today is Graekarismessa. Traditionally it is the day that the oystercatcher bird returns to the islands. I had no idea that birds could catch oysters. How do they open the shells? In any case, the capital of the Faroes is Torshvan, and the province is home to 48,500. The primary industries on the islands are sheep raising and fishing.
On the island nation of Mauritius today is Independence Day. The capital is Port Louis and the island, which is off the eastern coast of Africa, is home to 1.3 million people, most of whom are of Indian (dot not feather) descent and the majority of whom are Hindu. Mauritius has the 2nd highest GDP in Africa and its primary industries are sugar exports and tourism. Mark Twain said of the island, "You gather the idea that Mauritius was made first and then Heaven, and that Heaven was copied after Mauritius." It almost makes me want to go there, although I bet Twain never went to Michigan.
Jurgu Diena is also today which was the ancient Latvian equivalent of Groundhog Day, only substitute a fox for the groundhog.
It is Arbor Day in China.
Happy Birthday: Jack Kerouac, the great Beat author; Liza Minnelli; Mitt Romney, sorry about your luck there Mitt; and the Hedgehog, Ron Jeremy, who gives all men hope (and makes most of us feel inadequate).
Have a good day...
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