A Schottenheimer Sighting

Once again back it's the incredible...

First of all, let me just start off by saying, "Welcome." Secondly, let me follow that up by saying that this whole moving the clock thing is for the birds. And birds are dirty, filthy animals that spread diseases and rain down missiles of poop from the sky. Some of them should be eaten. Most should not. It is my humble opinion that any bird that cannot fly is not really a bird, but the beginnings of a tasty meal, e.g., chickens and turkeys. I know that someone out there is going to bring up penguins, and I am of the firm belief that penguins are actually some strange alien lifeform that arrived at the same time the Salvation Army arrived in the USA and began covert bell-ringing operations (which happened on today's date in 1880). I dare you to show me any proof that penguins existed on the earth before 1880.

Ok, with that out of the way, it's Monday (Soom-waar, Doshanbeh, yawm-al-ithnayn, Kamal, Prickle-Prickle) and it's a bit nipply outside. I was fortunate enough to eat an incredibly good, albeit overpriced, meal at Morton's Steakhouse on Saturday night. A good steak is hard to beat, but a steak which costs that much money is hard to swallow. (Actually that is not true, it's just as easy to swallow an expensive steak as it is a cheap one and they usually taste better.) As the meal was ending and the stories of how your parents discovered your porn stash were winding down, I was made aware that sitting at the table next to us was none other than Marty Schottenheimer. If I could have the night over, I would love to ask Marty whether or not his parents ever found his porn stash.

Way back when before the calendar changed completely, in 241 BCE the Roman navy defeated the Carthiginian navy at the Battle of the Aegates Islands ending the First Punic War. In 1801 the first census was held in Great Britain. In 1831 the French Foreign Legion was established. In 1848 the Mexican-American War ended. As a reward we got what is now California, Arizona, and New Mexico, all of which are slowly being reconquered by Mexico. In 1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call reportedly saying, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." I bet he added "naked" on the end of that sentence, but that's just a guess. In 1906 1099 miners died in Courrieres, France. In 1918 Warner Brothers released its first major film "My Four Years in Germany." In 1933 an earthquake in Long Beach, CA killed 120. In 1977 astronomers discovered some rings around Uranus. Damn astronmers always sticking their telescopes where they don't belong. And in 1987 the Holy See condemned the practice of surrogate motherhood, as well as test-tube babies, aritificial insemination, and intermittent windshield wipers.

Happy Birthday: Chuck Norris, a great American hero; Osama bin Laden, our most hated enemy; Sharon Stone; one of the greatest music producers in history, Rick Rubin; former Purdue Boilermaker and Pittsburgh Steeler, Rod Woodson; Timbaland; Robin Thicke; and Carrie Underwood (who was being discussed last night).

Enjoy the day, I'll leave you with this: "Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life."