Princeps Iuventutis

Pungenday, Chaos 63, 3174. Seshanbeh, Esfand 14, 1386. Yawm-ath-thalatha, Safar 25, 1429.

In any case it's Tuesday (Mangal-waar, Fidal) and I feel like chicken. I don't know what chicken feels like, but I do know what it tastes like. It tastes of babies. Just to clear the air, I have been to South Dakota. I have driven from one side of the state to the other and gotten a speeding ticket coming out of the mountains. I have gotten off the freeway and driven 20 miles in the search for gas only to find a deserted town. I have been witness to a doctor and a vet sharing the same trailer. I have seen the best that godforesaken state has to offer, and I would like to push myself away from the table and say, "no more jell-o for me, mom." I don't ask for much in life, but an occasional tree would be nice. As for the great state of Michigan, I will let it speak for itself, what other state is blessed with its beauty AND shaped like a mitten?

In 51 Nero was given the title "princeps iuventutis" or "prince of the youth". In 1152 Frederick Barbarossa was elected King of the Germans. In 1215 King John of England pledged an oath to Pope Innocent III to go on the next crusade. In 1238 at the Battle of Sit River the Mongol Hordes clashed with Russian troops. In 1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Portugal from America. In 1570 King Philip II of Spain banned Dutch students. I can't blame him, Dutch students are so pompous, capable of speaking multiple languages fluently, blonde haired, blue-eyed, like little Nazi youth. The Dutch have also been bred to have fat little fingers for dyke maintenance (that almost sounds perverse). In 1629 Massachusetts Bay Colony was granted a royal charter. Five years later Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston. In 1681 William Penn was granted a royal charter for Pennsylvania. In 1778 the US entered into two treaties with France which were the first treaties for the fledgling US government. I hate the French. In NYC the US Congress met for the first time and decided to waste taxpayer money ad finitum. Vermont was admitted as a state in 1791. Three years later the 11th Amendment was ratified. Like most sequels, it just doesn't compare to the first ten. In 1837 Chicago was incorporated as a city. In 1861 the first national flag of the Confederate States of America was adopted. In 1902 AAA was established. In 1908 in Cleveland, OH a fire at the Collinwood School killed 174 people. In 1917 Jeanette Rankin of Montana became the 1st female member of th US House of Representatives. In 1933 Frances Perkins became the first female Cabinet member when she became Secretary of Labor. I could make all sorts of jokes about that one, but I won't. In 1977 an earthquake in Bucharest killed over 1500. And in 1997 President Bill Clinton signed a ban on human cloning research, he did, however, leave a clause in the language that permitted the cloning of semi-attractive female interns with kind faces.

A lot of people were born today, but I've never heard of 98% of them. The composer Vivaldi's birthday is today as is Jason Newsted's, former bassist for Metallica, and raised in Gull Lake, Michigan!!! Take that beatches.

Have a whompadilly of a day! And remember, "He who hates vices hates mankind."