Poor Elliot Spitzer

Ok, I get it already, it's (Thursday, Veer-waar, Istijlal). I'm supposed to be happy about that?

In Iran today is: Panjshanbeh, Esfand 23, 1386; in Iraq: yawm-al-khamis, Rabi al-Awwal 5, 1429; and for Disocordians: Boomtime, Chaos 72, 3174.

Elliot Spitzer, the soon to be former governor of New York has resigned. Can you imagine having to admit in front of the entire world that you just destroyed your entire life because you liked some high-priced horizontal recreation? Good Mr. Spitzer is a Democrat, is a practicing Jew, and attended Princeton and Harvard Law School. So, not only was he the elected leader of the people of New York, he also considered himself to be of the elect of god, and he was an attorney (a profession which is supposed to adhere to some sort of ethical code). You can say what you will, and I'm sure you'll think, "He's going to Hell." Problem is Jews don't believe in Hell so it's really a moot point. I bet he liked to be spanked. I'll take bets on how soon a porno is made based on these events. I give it within the month.

In 1138 Victor IV became the anti-Pope. Yes, there was a time in history when the Catholic Church was suffering from a great deal of internal divisiveness. Much of this had to do with the relationship between the Church and the Holy Roman Empire and the struggle for political power in Europe. I'm glad all that's behind us and all we have to worry about is child-molesting priests. In 1639 Harvard College was named after clergyman John Harvard. In 1781 while in his garden, William Herschel discovered Uranus. He was fond of saying to people at parties, "I love standing in my garden and looking at Uranus." He never quite understood the snickers. In 1897 San Diego State University was founded. Their mascot: Aztecs. In 1900 France limited the length of the workday for women and children to 11 hours. In 1925 Tennesse prohibited the teaching of evolution setting the standard for complete ignorance, a cause still proudly born by the Kansas Department of Education. In 1943 Nazi forces liquidated the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, Poland. In 1991 Exxon agreed to pay $1 billion for the cleanup of the Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska. Don't worry, they've made all their money back tenfold over the past eight years thanks to GW. The following year, over 500 died when an earthquake struck Turkey. In 1996 a crazed lunatic shot and killed 17 at a school in Dunbane, Scotland before killing himself. The British quickly pointed out that the likely influence was an obsession with The Jerry Springer Show (which is one of the most popular American TV shows in the UK). And in 2005 Terry Ratzmann killed 7 members of the Church of the Living God at a Sheraton Inn in Brookfield, WI.

Someone has requested a picture of a puppy, so being that it's the first request for anything, I'll honor it. But don't think that this is going to happen all the time. I maintain the right to interpret any request as I see fit. Don't hate the playa, hate the game...

Happy Birthday: Pope Innocent XII (dead); L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the Church of the Living Tom Cruise; Donald Duck; and William H. Macy.

Please send Gov. Spitzer's wife flowers. And remember: "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."