Happy White Day

Thank you John Travolta for granting us the strength to make it to Friday (Chukar-waar, Jom'eh, yawm-al-jum'a, Istiqlal, Pungenday). Without you we would not appreciate the finer things in life such as bad acting and a sick longing to watch Grease at least once a year. "Grease lightning, go grease lightning."

I am tired of hearing about Elliot Sptizer and the hooker. What I'm not tired of hearing about is whether or not the Beckhams are leaving. After they graced us with their presence, I became obsessed. I believed that they alone would save us from Bradgelina and TomKat. I was so wrong. I thought they would displace Paris, Brittney, and Lindsey and give us something beautiful to look at. Again, I was wrong. It turns out they are less interesting than the rest of the entire world thinks they are, sort of like soccer. Maybe they should release a sex tape. That would rocket them into a status beyond anything this world has ever witnessed.

In 1489 the Queen of Cyprus sold her entire kingdom to Venice. In 1590 Henry of Navarre and his Huguenots (French Protestants) defeated the Catholics at the Battle of Ivry. Those were the good ol' days, when Protestants and Catholics were killing each other. Now they just co-exist peacefully and take out the disagreements on the football field. In 1794 Eli Whitney patented the cotton gin, which is not a tasty beverage. In 1889 Ferdinand von Zeppelin patented his navigable ballon. In 1900 the Gold Standard Act was ratified linking US currency to the gold standard. I don't know what this means. I do know that US currency is worth about as much as toilet paper right now. In 1926 a train in Costa Rica fell into the Rio Varilla and killed 248 people. In 1964 a jury found Jack Ruby guilty of killing Lee Harvey Oswald. In 1979 a plane crashed into a factory in Beijing killing about 200. And in 1980 a plane crashed near Warsaw, Poland killing 87, including an American boxing team.

In the nation of goat-herders, Albania, today is Summer Day. In Japan and Korea it is White Day, which is their equivalent of Valentine's Day. In Estonian, white is "valge", which is important because it's Estonian Language Day. "Punane" means "red" in Estonian. In ancient Rome it was the second day of the Equirria, the horse races devoted to Mars. And for people who give a rat's ass about math, today is Pi Day.

Happy Birthday: Casey Jones, who both Johnny Cash and The Grateful Dead sang about; Albert Einstein; Diane Arbus, as played by Nicole Kidman; owner of the Detroit Lions, Wm. Clay Ford, Sr.; Sir Michael Caine; Quincy Jones, no relation to Casey; Billy Crystal; Eva Angelina, a talented actress; and a woman who began her career as a stripper right here in Missouri, Brianna Love. Brianna's figure has been described as callipygian which is a Greek term meaning "of the nice buttocks".

Please have a good weekend and spend your paychecks wisely.